Do you know that one of the underlying causes of toxic associations is the fear of abandonment? Do you know this particular fear causes one to become clingy, controlling, manipulative, bullying, jealous, unconfident, vulnerable, anxious and unattractive, to mention a few, thereby making them and their particular relationship toxic? Do you know that increases the likelihood of destroying the relationship leading to the very thing one fears, abandonment?
The “ addictions” are meant to soothe and therefore numb the old emotional pain (i. e. the anxiety, sadness, anger, weakness, helplessness, etc) associated with the negative memories stored within. One of the more common “ addictions” as stated, is to other people who one might use for comfort, emotional support, peace of mind, love, caring, security, and so on.
Many so called “ relationships” are founded on unspoken emotional contracts where one person serves as the “ soother” and the other as the “ soothee”. What often happens is the fact that individuals often reciprocate these functions so that at one time a partner may, one example is be the “ soother” and at another time assume the role of the “ soothee”. This reciprocation, exactly what many refer to as “ love”, is actually a form or mutual exploitation.
As mentioned, such methods lead to conflicted and toxic associations that are damaging to the relationship and also to the partners.
So how does one remedy this situation, a person ask?
Well, you may recall that all these insecurities come from the old emotional pain through past negative memories stored within the mind/body. A decade ago while exploring the type of how negative memories are stored within it was discovered that they could quickly, easily, permanently and completely become erased or deleted with a basic question and answer algorithm.
The net effect of this was that it helped to restore an individual to their “ pre-traumatized” or whole, authentic, resilient, empowered, worthy, lovable, self respecting state of being. This “ state” was recognized as being the person’ s Authentic Self, the Self they were supposed to manifest in this life before they were rudely shocked by early life circumstances that caused them to abandon themselves.
To learn more about how you can begin to move your self and your relationships down this street to health kindly visit the internet link below where you can request a free introductory 1 hour telephone/Skype coaching appointment.
Author’ ersus Bio:
Nick Arrizza, a former Psychiatrist plus Medical Doctor is an International Expert Life, Relationship and Spiritual Tele-Coach, Writer and the developer of the powerful Mind Resonance Process® (MRP).
A Free 1 Hour Introductory MRP Telephone/Skype Coaching Consultation is available upon request (You will be asked to cover your own long distance telephone charges)
We’ve all of the chased that girl in our life that will caused problems for us. From heartaches. To Ex-boyfriend issues. To simply obtaining walked over. By the time the relationship or interaction is over you feel exhausted and emotionally drained because you tried very hard yet it didn’t work …
1 . Who pays for the first date?
The person who initiated the date generally pays. Usually, this person will be the man. No matter how “modern” we get, men still tend to like to court women. They tend to like seeking, decision-making and appearing in charge. Several women might like to offer to pay for the tip or dessert and espresso, but if the man insists, then allow him to pay.
2 . Should I try to impress the person having a really fancy, expensive or special date?
3. What should you do when the person paying for the first date says something like “you can get the next check” when you offer to pay–but you don’t want to date the person once again?
Oops! You now see the risk of offering to pay for a few of the first date. My advice is to allow person who set up the date shell out the dough! And if you don’t want to head out again, say thank you.
4. What if the person asks you out again, but you don’t want to go?
System.Drawing.Bitmap absolutely certain that you don’t want to head out again. If you don’t want another date only because you don’t feel that strike in the head that makes you feel “chemistry, ” then accept another a lot more casual date such as lunch or an evening with his friends. Hanging out together and observing his or her interactions in a more relaxed setting can give you a living picture of the person.
When you truly don’t want to head out again, then be short plus sweet. Reduce your date’s embarrassment or sense of rejection by saying something like: “I can tell you’re a really good person, but I’m not a good fit for you. ” And don’t go on and on or over-explain.
5. What if there are large income disparities between you and this brand new partner who takes you on expensive dates?
Never pay for something beyond your means. However , you can make “caring payments” by buying a breakfast, lite lunch or treat. These gestures can help the wealthier person feel appreciated or cherished for being him or herself—and not for his or her money.
6. If your incomes are more the same, how much do you pay as the relationship progresses?
The rule is that there aren’t a lot of rules at this stage. Typically, the person who arranges the date is the one who will pay. Other options are to split the particular payment or to pay for the wine plus dessert, for example. Always keep these queries in your mind: “Do I feel taken advantage of but not cared for? Have I been good and expressive of my gratitude of this person? ”
7. If we finally be a couple, how do we pay for the expenses when we do things together?
You and your partner will likely develop a rhythm that grows organically out of your mutual sense of rely on and respect for each other. For instance , if you are a caring and empathic person, it will automatically occur to you that your date has been paying for films a lot lately.
Author’ s Bio:
It is usually said that women prefer to be in romantic relationships more than men do. And while this could sound like the truth, it is not always the situation. There are going to be men who all appreciate being in one, just as there are going to be men who don’t.
Some women will enjoy being in them and then you will see others who will do all they could to avoid them. Now, this is not usually going to be a conscious choice and may be something that goes on fairly unconsciously and out of their awareness.
The need to be shuts to others is there for every person, but this doesn’t mean that this particular always feels comfortable and natural. To become close to another person, especially the opposite sex, could cause one to feel trapped plus overwhelmed.
Your ability to have what they need plus want and to enjoy, it is then diminished. They might end up coming to the final outcome that they will have to stay in the relationship plus feel trapped or that they will need to put an end to it and stay solitary. They might end up settling for informal encounters as it’s the only way they could feel free, but while they do feel free, they might also end up feeling bare.
So based on this particular outlook, the need that they have to be close to another human being, is then extremely hard to fulfil without extreme comprise taking place. And this is going to cause all kinds confusion as to why this is such a challenge.
If this is definitely something one has experienced on the unusual occasion they might be hope that there is another way. But if one has experienced this throughout their whole life, then one may have simply accepted it as being how life is.
To have this occur once or twice could make a women feel upset, frustrated and disheartened. If they are fairly young this might be more acceptable than if they were older, as at this age, it might be easier to dismiss. And with this experience only happening to them several times, there is going to be hope for a better future.
But if this has become a pattern in a moms life and one man after the additional behaves in the same way, then it might be tougher to see that there is another way. This could relate with women that are older and yet it could also include women who are younger.
Ultimately, age is definitely irrelevant; what it comes down to is the type of experiences that a woman has had plus continues to have with the opposite sex.
In The Beginning
So at the start of the relationship, one may feel free and connected. And if one is cautious about being controlled because of a history of being controlled, what is happening in the beginning might fill them with hope and ressuarance
Time then passes and breaks will begin to appear. At first the man might be laid back, easy going and be anything but controlling. The woman may start to see that this had been just a facade and that the man’s true nature is very different
On one side it could be that these people attract men who make them feel caught. But what is also possible is for them to feel trapped regardless of whether the man is that way or not. In this instance, a lady is projecting her own ‘stuff’ on to the man.
To become with a man then causes the girl to feel trapped. It might not have to get possible for her to see that this is exactly what is actually taking place, if her projections are too strong. It then won’t matter if the man is controlling delete word, as her inner experience will be the same.
This could result in the man being pushed aside or he could become controlling in order to try and change how she is acting.
The experience of being caught could be something that is fairly intense or even it could be extremely intense. There will be ideas, emotions and sensations. If the girl was just seeing the man, these feelings could remain hidden. Yet once it has become a ‘relationship’ they can soon appear.
Or if they were to spend a great amount of time with them or to imagine being with them in the future, the same feelings may come up. It won’t matter if they are thinking about reality or creating something in their head, the same experience of being trapped could occur.
As the need is there, it is going to appear strange that there is all this resistance. The reason a woman feels trapped in a romantic relationship could be due to what happened many, several years ago when she was a kid.
Time passes and these formative years are neglected about by the mind. However , the body remembers exactly what took place and will trigger one to create the same experience till the past has been dealt with.
The Father Figure
Other people who were around at the moment could be the reason, but the father figure is usually the most import person when it comes to the type of man that a woman will be drawn to and attract. And in order for a woman to feel trapped in a relationship with a man, it doesn’t mean that she was necessarily abused by her father. It could be that this individual was ‘protective’ or had a tendency to invade her personal area.
This could have got caused her to feel: violated, smothered, engulfed, and powerless so that as though she had no control. But while this wasn’t functional, the alternative might have been for her to be abandoned plus neglected.
So although feeling trapped is not what they consciously want to experience in a relationship, it really is what feels normal to them at a deeper level. And what is familiar, is what feels safe.
When this no longer feels comfortable, a lady will no longer have the need to recreate yesteryear. They will see that they have a choice instead of longer need to feel trapped. How they felt all those years ago would have remained trapped in their body and so these feelings will need to be released. Through doing this, a woman’s boundaries will also be in a position to form.
Plus either their current relationship will change or they will attract someone who is completely different. These feelings and emotions can be released with the assistance of a therapist, healer or a trusted buddy. Or ones partner can assist them in the process.
Author’ s Bio:
Prolific writer, thought chief and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful comments and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human being psychology and behavior, Oliver provides hope along with his sound advice. Present projects include “ A Conversation With The Heart” and “ Conversation Made Easy. ”
Unless you have the ability to erase the memory of the event from within your mind/body once and for all. You observe that memory and its associated feelings “ is” the wound or even scar.
Now since we all believe and accept that the past cannot be changed once they have taken place it ‘ s very clear that it will remain with you for the duration of your life.
Yes, I know that therapists will tell (or have got told you) that you can work this through so that it doesn’ t feel as bad as the original event. Is this however really true?
It had been my experience that the wound actually can never be mended, within the true sense of the word. It is because “ mending” as I said above implies literally extracting the memory from your mind/body completely and that is considered realistically impossible (or is it).
If this is not done you are able to go back to it and re-evoke those people old negative feelings. The fact that although they are not as potent as before doesn’ t mean things are much better. In fact it actually means that they’ re in a sense worse because the detrimental feelings have become “ walled off” into a deeper subconscious chamber of awareness. That is they have become more unconscious.
When this happens these more deeply held feelings become “ physical” sources of irritation or disturbance that then have the potential to cause “ physical” deterioration and sickness. It is my personal view that detrimental memories are at the root of all such illness.
So having said this I reassert, the extraction/erasure of the actual memories is essential to completely mending a broken heart and restoring, indeed enhancing, one’ ersus full relationship potential.
To learn more about erasing negative memories, mending a broken heart and requesting a transformative experience i implore you to visit the web link below.
Author’ s Biography:
Nick Arrizza, a former Psychiatrist and Medical Doctor, is an International Expert Self Empowerment Life Coach, Relationship and Religious Tele-Coach, Author and the developer from the powerful Mind Resonance Process® (MRP).
A Free one hour Introductory MRP Telephone/Skype Coaching Assessment And Free Copy of My E-book are available upon request (You will be asked to cover your own long-distance telephone charges)
Is it not striking that so few good relationships exist these days? So much so that we as a species appear to have resigned ourselves to thinking that human beings simply cannot have healthful relationships. Unfortunately this view provides only come into vogue because we now have yet to appreciate the real reason why human relationships rarely last. By excavating this and making it plain for all to find out I believe we can begin to not only challenge but negate our current perspective on this matter.
So how do we accomplish that? Nicely by simply recognizing what many of us know deep in the Hearts. We know, for example that:
1) We all desire to have an authentic loving relationship.
4) Co-dependent patterns result in conflict and the ultimate demise of relationships.
5) Co-dependence is rooted in the “ neediness” of each individual in the relationship.
6) It is neediness leading one to fear being emotionally endangered whenever their needs are not getting fulfilled.
7) Such fear leads to the tendency to interact conflict as a way of re-establishing manage and a measure of emotional security.
8) Neediness is the result of a lack of “ emotional maturity”.
9) Emotional maturity could be assessed through a new self questionnaire I have created called the Emotional Maturation Quotient or EMQ (which is also presented elsewhere in this e-zine).
10) Re-establishing a solid foundation of emotional maturity an individual can get into a relationship feeling emotionally solid, complete, secure and independent.
11) By feeling psychologically mature and therefore emotionally “ personal sufficient” there will be no “ neediness” that must be fulfilled by the partner hence this will end conflict and result in a more loving, healthy and environmentally friendly relationship.
If you’ d like to learn more about how to evolve into your complete self and create a better relationship experience simply visit the web site below where you can also request a free introductory telephone/Skype coaching consultation.
Author’ s Biography:
Chip Arrizza, a former Psychiatrist and Medical professional, is an International Expert Self Empowerment Life Coach, Relationship and Religious Tele-Coach, Author and the developer of the powerful Mind Resonance Process® (MRP).
A Free 1 Hour Introductory MRP Telephone/Skype Coaching Appointment And Free Copy of My E-book are available upon request (you actually will be asked to cover your own long-distance telephone charges)
There are ten tings you can do to create the ideal relationship.
1 . Do your own personal emotional work first.
several. Nurture Self Awareness.
It is only through self recognition that you will be able to achieve mastery over your own thoughts, emotions, perceptions and behaviors. Anything less means that about to catch fully in control of yourself and are vulnerable to making bad choices.
4. Know how to assess the maturity of others.
Most individuals become attracted to each other on the basis of appearance, shared needs or by the fact that these people represent unconscious parental figures. Because of this the level of emotional maturity (see my article on the Emotional Maturity Quotient ) of the other person is completely overlooked.
5. Maintain individual honesty as one of your highest focal points.
6. Be brave in all your communications.
7. Always look after your health and well being.
Without a solid foundation of good health any romantic relationship will flounder. Your health is your responsibility and not anyone else’ s.
8. Don’ t behave like a victim and don’ big t attempt to rescue victim like behaviors.
To know and experience each other fully is the most effective way to keep the bonds of understanding, appreciate and empathy strong. This is the stuff that keeps a relationship intact. Without it, it will eventually fall apart.
A relationship will grow stagnant if either of the companions stops growing emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. In the same way that you would foster a child’ s growth one must continually nurture one’ ersus own.
To receive a free telephone/Skype coaching consultation t with any of these steps kindly visit the internet link below.
Author’ s Bio:
Nick Arrizza, a former Psychiatrist and Medical Doctor, is an Global Expert Life, Relationship and Spiritual Tele-Coach, Author and the developer of the powerful Mind Resonance Process® (MRP).
A Free 1 Hour Preliminary MRP Telephone/Skype Coaching Consultation And Free Copy of My E-book are available upon request (You will be asked to cover your own long distance telephone charges)
Let’s encounter it. If you have shyness working against you then making conversations can be really tough. But did you know that many great conversations can start from canned material? Meaning its stuff you planned to speak about ahead of time. The problem is knowing what material to talk …
So you want to learn ways to overcome shyness. But the problem with learning to overcome shyness is you don’t even know where to begin. Sure, some of us obtain advice from others like “Just be yourself” or “Just go out have fun”. But you know from experience that it’s not so basic. Hope is …
How To Be a Happier — and More Successful — Single Parent
a few. Learn from past mistakes.
If your past relationship failed, don’t rush into a new one. Instead, focus on you and your child(ren) until matters are stable, and do some analysis of what went wrong and what you need to learn about relationships. Any brand new relationship you get into affects each you and your children.
Author’ s Bio:
Tina B. Tessina, Ph. D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience within counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books within 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Once again; Money, Sex and Kids: Prevent Fighting About the Three Things That May Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Really like Styles: How to Celebrate Your Distinctions. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.
Dr . Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for LoveForever. possuindo, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr . Tessina appears frequently upon radio, and such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and DASAR News.