Have you ever noticed that no matter how hard a needy person tries on having a relationship their “ neediness” always sabotages their most concerted efforts? Have you ever wondered why some individuals are needier than others or in fact why people are needy in any way? What’ s more, have you ever …
When a connection comes to an end it can be an incredibly painful encounter. And this doesnât even need to be a relationship was fulfilling or healthful; as it can be painful no matter how âgoodâ or even âbadâ it was.
So this means that someone can have the need to get back with their ex and for the relationship to continue even though this might not be your best option. Logically one might think that if the relationship didnât work before, then your best option would be to move on.
If the relationship did work before and there didnât seem to be a reason for it to end, then it is just natural that one would do all they can to get back with their old flame. What it comes down to is the fact that an psychological attachment has been made and so, logic or even reason can have very little impact.
When someone is in a relationship that is going well and then out of nowhere it just ends which could be an abrupt end, it is will make one wonder what happened. They could find yourself feeling mystified and have no idea why it has come to an end.
And even if they are aware of what wasnât working, their mind can filter these reasons out. 1 then only chose to focus on what was right and to ignore what was incorrect. If they can think of more positives than negatives, then this is going to cause one to feel even more confident that it shouldnât have ended.
However , if one is inside a relationship that is not going well and then before long it comes to an end, it is unlikely to generate one wonder what happened. The evidence will likely be there and there is then no confusion as to why is has come to a finish.
But just because the evidence is there, it doesnât imply that one is going to accept it. They could start to idealise the relationship and begin to see what they want to see; instead of what was happening.
And just because the connection was not working, it wonât always stop someone form trying to get back again with their ex. If it was functioning, then it is to be expected that one would certainly do all they can to restore the relationship.
A Mutual Choice
Whenever two people are in a relationship, preferably it should be through choice and not through fear or obligation. So if one particular was to work on themselves to get back with their ex, then it is apparent that they are not violating another person. But, if one was to use manage, manipulation and even a âspellâ, this shows that they are trying to violate another person.
And if this is exactly what is happening, one would need to ask themselves why they want to get back with their old flame. If they truly loved or liked the other person, they would want whatâs great for them. If this means that they want one to be a part of their life then so be it, but if not, this is something that one will have to accept.
When one has formed an emotional attachment to someone, it is far from going to be easy to let go. If this was a relationship that worked, the other is not necessarily going to want to let go. The fact they are attached to them, could be interpreted as a sign that they are meant to be together.
As well as the same interpretation could be formed set up relationship was not working; simply because they feel attached to the other person. Letting go can be painful even when the relationship wasnât work. As a result of having this attachment, it is going to be painful to not have this person about anymore.
So for some people this attachment is going to reflect the reality and that is that they are meant to be together. However for others, it is just going to reflect the proceedings for them and therefore have nothing regarding the other person or the relationship.
Being with the other person is then a way for them to regulate their emotions and for them to feel a lot better. What the other person wants is definitely then not taken into account and one is being motivated by their own need to feel a lot better. The other personâs needs and wants are then completely disregarded.
And the emotions that one is attempting to regulate through being with the other person could relate to the present day connection and they can also relate to ones the child years years. The present relationship has then triggered trapped emotions from their previous and if one is not aware of this, they can end up believing that the other person is causing them.
The other person is then believed to be in control of how they feel and based on this, they are the only ones who can let them feel better. What this would show is the fact that one has become emotionally dependent on your partner.
So there is the opportunity that one is meant to be with their old flame and also the chance that they are not. But it will surely be important for one to reflect on the fact that their particular ex is an individual who has their own needs and wants.
If one is suffering psychologically, they may need to seek the assistance of a therapist or a healer. When you have an emotional build up from their previous, it is going to make it difficult for them to discover and to think clearly.
Author’ s Bio:
Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His informative commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, relationship, self-love, and inner awareness. Along with several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound guidance. Current projects include “ A Dialogue With The Heart” and “ Communication Made Easy. ”
As another year winded down and a new a single begins, I feel a sense of pressure. Don’ t get me wrong I’ m capable to see where this next year prospects, but there’ s this point creeping up. I have successfully pressed it away before, but I feel it coming again. I used to work in a restaurant, so every New Year’ s Eve I would continually be working. This year so much has changed. Among those things was that I committed full time to my business, and that’ ersus made all the difference in my lifestyle and success. Since I didn’ big t work New Year’ s, it’ s my first one exactly where I could actually make plans. But We didn’ t have any. That doesn’ t upset me a lot, because I’ ll spend this with my son, which I adore.
Yes, I have a 13-month-old son, but I realized quick that I was not in love with his father. I was in love with the idea of maybe “ This is the one. ” I was endeavoring to fit a square peg inside a round hole. No matter how hard We tried, it wasn’ t likely to work, and I was never likely to be happy with him.
I’ m on an endeavor-finding love before 40 (September 15, 2014), and part of that scares me. This scares me that I won’ big t find it. It scares me that I’ ll be alone. This scares me that I won’ big t find a partner. It scares myself that I won’ t have more kids. It scares me that I will not find a great male role design for my son. But most of most, it scares me that I won’ t be able to truly love someone… and to know what it feels like to really be loved.
This New Year creates new possibilities for my love to find me, as they may be looking for me right now. Forget about time for fear, because which will only keep me right exactly where I am and never move me toward my future husband. There is only time for good, positive thoughts, because THIS can be MY year for Finding Love Before 40– so come and get myself!
Author’ ersus Bio:
Feeling lonely is painful. Often people exactly who feel lonely exacerbate the situation by blaming themselves. Why am I actually lonely? Because other people donât like me. Why donât they like me? Since Iâm a loser. Itâs easy to imagine how this internal discussion can go downhill very quickly and make a person completely miserable.
2) Notice your self-defeating thoughts. Acknowledge them for what they are. They are not representative of your normal self. If you are determined to be miserable, you will wallow during these thoughts. You can always find reasons to become unhappy. Instead, realize that you can personal your loneliness, accept it to get what it is, and then move on.
3) Stop thinking about yourself. Make an attempt to seek out others, start a conversation, ask how theyâre doing. Try to take those focus off yourself and shift it onto others. When youâre helping other people with their problems, frequently yours seem minimal by comparison. Remind yourself that youâve got plenty to feel grateful about.
Last night we entered into a spat. Granted, my timing was poor because I sorta jumped the topic on him when he has just finished work. But his responses towards the end of the conversation gave me mixed feelings. First he stated I was selfish. Second he stated that some of the things I told him had been the exact kind of things his ex-wife told him. He found this irritating. I panicked because I have never been compared to an ex before in my life, what more being told Used to do things that irritated him as much as their ex did. I am not sure merely did the right thing, but I actually apologised. I told him I did not really know that those things I said annoyed him.
However , right after having replayed the conversation within my head, I realised some warning flags are appearing:
He as soon as alluded to me that he actually cannot stand his ex wife – reverse of love is indifference, not hate. If he has truly moved on and it has no feelings for her, what I did would not had pushed his buttons the way in which she did. I personally feel that ‘ hate’ tends to make us think really someone, it is a way of securing.
He may not only be nevertheless angry at his ex, but angry at all women, perhaps you start with his mother. That is not a good kind of man to get attached to. I also agree with a person that his hatred for his ex-mate is a warning flag.
Author’ s Bio:
Tina W. Tessina, Ph. D. is a certified psychotherapist in S. California considering that 1978 with over 30 years encounter in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 publications in 17 languages, including This Ends With You: Grow Up and From Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Adult dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Items that Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Guidelines from Tina” email newsletter.
Dr . Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for LoveForever. com, a website designed to strengthen human relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr . Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows because “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC News.
The statistics of recurring studies around the world show that cheating within relationships is far more common compared to everyday appearances let on; an average of 45% of respondents claim to have cheated in a relationship, and that doesn’ t include those who haven’ t admitted to an affair or fling.
His problem is that he wants to cheat in his relationship, yet he’ s concerned about the consequences.
Nobody likes to be scammed on in relationships, but their situation (like many other relationships) may be more complex than how we address it above.
He or she wants to know what’ s the simplest way to have sex with other women without bridging any red lines. Again, it’ s complicated, but we offer a few suggestions below.
He may want to stay together due to finances or children. Not surprisingly, their wife is against the idea of a relationship, but if he shows her examples of how an arrangement can function, and makes sure there are benefits for her too, she may reconsider. This type of situation works much better if they agree on rules ahead of time to ensure mutual regard.
As a last resort, if she refuses to give up and he’ s okay with the help of a partner cheating on him in a future lifetime, (since this is the karma he may very well incur for himself if he or she follows the common cheating in interactions standard), he should feel free to cheat.
Author’ s Bio:
Maintaining long-term relationships can be a complex undertaking that requires significant period and attention. When things start to go wrong, partners can take proactive steps to get the relationship back on track. These efforts can often make the difference among strengthening the partnership and proceeding toward a breakup.
1 . Stop Assigning Blame
One of the most common problems that occurs in rocky marriages is the pattern of assigning fault for past problems and mistakes. This pattern only intensifies resentment and keeps the couple locked into the past. Understanding that all marriages go through difficult times and that people are never perfect can help the people to move forward from events that occurred earlier in the relationship. They can then begin to focus on the present plus their shared goals for the future.
5. Consider Counseling
Many people believe that counseling is something of a final resort for a relationship. However , counseling can also be useful for âtune-upsâ that assist a relationship get back on track over time of growing conflict. Donât hesitate to utilize this helpful measure to continue your relationship healthy.
A proactive strategy for coping with marital problems can help to eliminate the possibility of extra conflicts, whatever the final outcome.
Author’ s Bio:
Do you know that most people experience shyness to some degree? In many cases apprehension is so debilitating that it sabotages human relationships and career success. Do you know that underneath that shyness lurks a more sinister problem i. e. a serious need for validation, acceptance, appreciation, knowing, acknowledgment and love? Do you know that by erasing/deleting those needs shyness instantly ceases to be a problem? How does that happen that you ask?
These memories behave like live “ emotional landmines” which can be re-triggered by anything in one’ t daily experience that in any way is similar to the older event. For instance imagine one was seriously rejected by significant others when they were youthful (an example of this might be something like having been given up for adoption) the particular memory of this event along with the associated emotional pain get moored in the mind/body at a subconscious level.
It must remain subconscious i. e. outside of ones immediate awareness otherwise it would continually flood the person’ s consciousness causing serious distraction, pain and an inability to function in the present. One of the primary forces driving such pain “ underground” is fear i. e. the fear of rejection and the anxiety about feeling out of control are two examples in this case.
Now it may look like that these fears are acting in one’ s best interest by keeping this negativity buried however in fact the opposite is true. By keeping the pain buried the individual is left carrying it around for the rest of their own life. Now you might ask “ Well what other choice do they have got, after all one can’ t just erase the memory and the discomfort. ”
Well which is an interesting thought! It is one that has in fact received considerable attention and research in the last decade. This has led to the discovery and development of a new coaching process that in fact may permanently and completely erase any negative memory from the mind/body.
As the details of how this process works are proprietary I can just say that it works by uncovering significant subconscious false beliefs individuals possess about the nature of negative memories. Beliefs such as a) they are useful to me b) they make up who seem to I am c) I wouldn’ capital t know who I am without them, and most interestingly d) they happened to me.
All of the over can be shown to be completely false. Now I don’ t expect you to think that because your current experience is still shrouded by many false beliefs that restrict your consciousness i. e. sadly you actually live in a trance such as state while believing that you are fully awake and in charge of yourself.
That last statement is not meant as criticism rather simply as a fact.
So , when this process is employed in order to erase negative memories of the kind that feed and keep things like apprehension in place the latter rapidly and completely dissolves from one’ s encounter to the point that they even forget what shyness was or what it felt like to exist in that state. I actually realize that is both hard to think and to imagine.
For this reason I offer individuals a free preliminary telephone/Skype consultation that can help one begin to free themselves of the limitations that shyness and other similar impediments possess imposed on their lives. To request such a consultation kindly visit the web site below.
Author’ s Bio:
Nick Arrizza, an ex Psychiatrist and Medical Doctor, is an Global Expert Self Empowerment Life Trainer, Relationship and Spiritual Tele-Coach, Author and the developer of the powerful Mind Resonance Process® (MRP).
A Free 1 Hour Introductory MRP Telephone/Skype Coaching Consultation And Totally free Copy of My E-book can be found upon request (You will be questioned to cover your own long distance telephone charges)
Ever wondered how con artists could possibly get away with all they do? They know how to charm people, and they have mastered the art of looking as if they belong. Simply because they have no feelings of guilt regarding misrepresenting themselves, they can pull it off. But you don’t have to be dishonest and manipulative to be charming. You may use the power of charm to create a thrilled life for yourself, and be perfectly sincere, kind and caring while doing the work.
To obtain what you want, you need to feel special plus act that way. The more you regard yourself, the more others will regard you. Make sure you present yourself nicely, dress and act the part. Accept favors and compliments beautifully, with thanks. Don’t worry about whether a person deserve the complimentif someone states something nice, and you think a person don’t deserve it, you’re effectively calling that person a liar; which is not charming at all. If you create requests as if you expect to get a “yes, ” it ups the odds that will you’ll get one.
The easiest way to get what you want would be to make a pleasant request, and deliver it with a big smile and a warm look. Please is very important, and so is really a gracious smile, eye contact, and a warm thank you when the request is met. Everyone melts at this. To see exactly how charm works, watch actors plus actresses in moviesthey use it a lot. It’s not really sexual, it’s more gracious and complimentary, but it usually leads to romance, even in real life.
Try observing individuals (real people you know, strangers, or perhaps movie characters) who personify confidence, and then go home and practice it in the mirror, until you think you’ve got it. Self-talk is importantpractice getting encouraging and supportive to your self. If you are internally critical, you’ll absence confidence. Try “faking it til you make it” and projecting an air of self-confidence. It will grow on you.
The Downside of Elegance
Although being enchanting will smooth out your social circumstances, it must be based on a respect to be beneficial. Charm without respect is not a good sign. Narcissists, for example , have discovered to be charming to get what they want, however they have no means to give back, so they are attractive and seductive, but ultimately draining and terribly disappointing.
If a person is not at all nervous, awkward and never confused for words, you may be very impressed. Such a polished approach is very appealing and pleasant to be around. Nevertheless , there could be a down side to this smoothness. It may mean that you’re talking to a “user” who has learned to say what works to obtain what he or she wants, but does not have any moral/ethical compass, so may be lying down and conning you. Con artists are very good at being charming. People who have a good innate need to be truthful may not constantly succeed at being charming. Therefore , when you encounter another charming person, make sure the walk matches the speak, and that the charm is element of that person’s character, and not just employed to obtain something.
It’s no surprise that awkwardness, panic and embarrassment arise from a bad self-image. To overcome this problem, know that you’re not going to please everyone, and that sometimes you’ll be disappointed, however it won’t kill you. Practice taking “no” for an answer, first in private, then ask a friend to role play with you (the friend turns you down, refuses your raise, etc . so you can practice dealing with it) and then take some baby measures in the real world. When you’re in a new, nervous situation, don’t use alcohol for false courage. You may survive being tipsy, but if you really want to appear as charming and attractive, a person won’t allow yourself to behave terribly.
To enhance your positive experience, do the subsequent steps before any new activity:
1 . Make a mental note of the opportunities : Can you learn something generally there? Can you meet a new friend? Will certainly just getting out of the house and close to new people feel good?
2 . Remind yourself of the goals : You’re going generally there to make new friends and to have some fun.
3. Review your positive personal qualities : So what do your friends like about you? So what do you like about you? Your intelligence, your sense of humor, your style, your discussion skills? Are you a kind and patient person? Reminding yourself of these characteristics means you will enter the event radiating that positive energy.
2 . Take notice : Look around you, and seek to make friends. Notice who’s who are around you and what’s interesting or appealing about them, Find an interesting thing as to what they’re wearing, and complement it. “ Excuse me, but I couldn’t help noticing that gorgeous colour — it looks great upon you. ” or, “ What an interesting watch! Where did you get it? ”
3 or more. Prepare in advance : Read up on some fascinating topics to talk aboutthe background doings of a hit movie, some new technology advance, or a cool new trend. Then, whenever someone wants to talk to you, you’ll have something to say.
4. Find a way to help : What needs doing that you might enjoy? If you haven’t experienced this event before, I recommend finding a “job” to do. Don’t just say “what can I do to help? ” Rather, volunteer for something specific: in order to greet people and take layers, or keep the food table replenished, or refill drinks. It will give you a sense of belonging, a great excuse to satisfy everyone, and you’ll be occupied enough to keep your nervousness at bay. The host or hostess will be grateful and remember you later.
5. Follow through : If you do satisfy someone you’d like to know better, follow the party with an invitation to get coffee. The best friendships begin in these social situations.
Conversations at events you attend should be like tennis matches. That is, the other person “serves” he or she asks a question or makes a statement. Then, a person “volley” back you answer the question with the kind of answer that attracts a response. For example:
He: “How do you know the hostess? ”
You: “We went to school together. I like Pam’s friendliness, don’t you? ”
Author’ s Bio:
Tina B. Tessina, Ph. D. is really a licensed psychotherapist in S. Ca since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals plus couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, which includes It Ends With You: Grow Up plus Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex plus Kids: Stop Fighting About the 3 Things That Can Ruin Your Relationship, The Commuter Marriage, and the girl newest, Love Styles: How to Enjoy Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email e-newsletter.
Dr . Tessina, will be CRO (Chief Romance Officer) to get LoveForever. com, a website designed to improve relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship along with personalized tips, courses, and on the internet couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr . Tessina shows up frequently on radio, and such Television shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC News.
We all guard our heart in one way or another. Maybe we were teased at college, or hurt by someone all of us once loved. It doesn’t matter how far back the sense of pain goes, it might feel very real today.
It is good to guard your coronary heart against people or situations that might hurt you, but there is a collection that you have to watch because you might be more than protecting your heart.
If you were hurt by love, chances are you might be afraid to love again, in order to love fully again. Everyone can give a certain percentage of themselves, that’s the easy part. If you only display 70% of yourself, and back away the other 30%, you might think you’re carrying out good, but you’re not. In fact you are not being fair to yourself or your partner. Its equivalent to stating, “you can get close, but not as well close. ”
Let’s take a look at things through the 70% rule. Your heart is safely guarded. In the event that anything happens 6 months, 2 years, or 7 years from now, you are safe. It won’t have a devastating effect on you like it would have if you were giving your whole heart. Sure you’ll be fine if there are a breakup, but after you have had time to sulk because you did not give it your “true” all, you are going to bounce back and carry on. Some can decide if they can truly love someone completely. The 70% person could be easily swayed because they’re not all in, and could be looking for a cause to call it quits more easily. Most significantly, you are ripping yourself off of a life that could be more meaningful and loving. You will always wonder, “what if? ” Know yourself and trust your judgment. Not all matters are about you…it’s about the other person as well. Please don’t have this confused with someone who does not want to be in a relationship. There are a lot of people in this world who have no desire to be in a relationship for various reasons. They are joyful and not to be confused with ones who want a relationship but aren’t giving it their all.
At this point let’s look at the 100% rule. First of all, you are fearless, you dove head and heart first. You are keeping nothing back and regardless if things exercise or not, you gave it your own all. You love the feeling of adore and you don’t hold back. Yeah a person!
When you fall for someone, occasionally you fall hard, sometimes all of us hold back and let time get its course. For someone who protects their heart, they have to learn to adore and trust love again. The individuals who are protecting their hearts often times guard others who are dear to them as well. They are very giving, loving souls who can be nurtured past the pain.
It takes two to make it right. If someone gets the feeling you are holding back, their natural reaction is to hold back as well. This is not a good thing. So , keep loving and trusting in love. One bad apple doesn’t ruin the entire bushel. The idea also forces us to take a great look at ourselves and the choices that individuals make, and why we get them to.
Being deeply loved simply by someone gives you strength, while caring someone deeply gives you courage. ~ Lao Tzu
Author’ s Bio: